Our Adoption Story

Imagine you became adoptive parents at mid-life stage completely unexpectedly, to a toddler, within one month. What would you do? How would you cope? This is our story of how my husband Rod and I became ‘instant’ parents and the important book resources that became invaluable to us, in search of how to adjust to our new reality. Unable to naturally conceive a biological child, we had accepted the apparent reality that we simply enjoy our independence as a couple and, travel to exotic places. Our ‘surrogate children’ were our two dogs and a cat. Life was good, right?

Precious little Rose graced our lives in the spring of last year. She is biologically my husband’s 17 year old great niece, named “Sherri”. Unable to properly care for Rose, Sherri chose to make an adoption plan. As family members we all decided it was best for her to remain in the family, rather than the alternative of potential foster care.  Connections were made with an experienced lawyer who specializes in adoption, whom provided sound advice, and expertly handled the necessary legal arrangements for a private relative adoption.  We became legal adoptive parents in a matter of months!

Reality quickly set in that we were ‘instant’ parents of a 16 month old little girl. We faced obstacles that many adoptive families encounter during this major life changing event.  Combined with the added complexity of our family relational situation, coupled with our belief in open adoption, it became clear we needed to develop parenting skills.

Books proved to be a fundamental resource to educate us on the path to being new parents. Upon marching into Chapters I headed to the parenting section.  A friend had recommended “The Mother of all toddler books – An All Canadian Guide to Your Child’s Second and Third years, by Ann Douglas.  Various developmental stages are outlined, what to expect in the toddler years, helpful coping skills, in addition to the baby equipment we would need to obtain.

I also picked up ‘We Belong Together – A book about Adoptive Families’ by Todd Parr.  As soon as I read this brightly illustrated book with childlike drawings, tears quickly filled my eyes as I became overwhelmed in emotion and gratitude for being given the precious gift – I’m a MOM!!  This book created value in our lives because of its brightly illustrated child like drawings, including the reassuring message that there are lots of different kinds of families. I barely managed to compose myself to pay for the book and quickly exit the store with Rose at my sitting quietly in her stroller drinking her vitamin enriched milk recommended by our family doctor, in her child-resistant glass bottle.

As part of our continued family learning, we began to reap the therapeutic effects of books as we immersed ourselves in family-land. Reading out loud to Rose formed part of our daily structure. She loves this book and often brings it to us to read before nap and bed time. Her three year old brain strongly identifies her as part of our family and us as mommy and daddy.

In addition, due to our busy work schedules I recently began exploring children’s books on Amazon.ca that are reasonably priced and delivers books to our door – thus saves me from openly blubbering in retail and used book stores.   I would recommend:  “Tell Me Again About the Night I was born” by Jamie Lee Curtis. This book tells a story of an international adoption and how new mommy and daddy travel by plane to meet their child for the first time.   Also, the book “I Wished for You – A Story of Adoption” by Marianne Richmond is a favourite because it reflects a similar story to ours, where a birth mom is unable to care for her child and an adoption plan takes shape.  My husband especially likes to read to Rose and we created memories captured on newly purchased video camera to show Rose, throughout our lives together.

A recent personal ‘mommy recommended’ read of mine includes “Secret Daughter” by Shilpi Somaya Gowda, proved particularly healing for me as a new mom. It tells a story of an Indian woman who is forced to give up her newborn daughter to an orphanage in fear of her being killed.  Her adopted American parents raise the daughter as their own and also have a special connection to the birth family.  A gripping, captivating read I have been searching for and highly recommend.  It pulled on my mommy heart strings and filled me with an overwhelming sense of compassion for all birth moms for the grief and loss they must feel.

As we continue to walk the journey of parents, books are an integral part our family journey as we walk the path in wisdom, grace, discipline, and much needed humour!  We continue to sprinkle in adoption books with other children learning books.   In our minds, adoption is about creating your own family.  Our daughter is a gift and a blessing, as are all children. We will continue to lead our family in strong moral values and will rely on our circle of resources, in anticipation of the many questions she will have about who her ‘real’ (gulp) mommy and daddy are.  Books form part of our emotional, spiritual and intellectual growth. We are grateful for these important tools in our family journey vowing to love Rose unconditionally for the rest of our lives. Hope our story provides inspiration and resource options to many families in the many stages of adoption.

See Adoption Report